Newly wedded couple after sex. Husband- I'll be frank, you are not the first girl. Wife-I'll also be frank, you still have to learn a lot
Ladki apni marji se de to pyar, dost dila de to upkar, ghar wale dilaye to sanskar aur agar hum apni marji se le to blatkar. aisa kyo hota hai yaar.
Boy- Baba, mujhe aisa kaam batao, jisme target na mile kuch karna na pade log mehnat kare aur paisa mujhe mile BABA-Ja beta, Sarso ka Tel Laga k "ulta Let ja"
Nurse : khan saheb,mubarak ho, aap ko judwa bete hue hain. Khan : yeh to hona hi tha, maine koshish jo dono taraf se ki thi.
18 yrs girl's pet cat got high fever.. Girl asked Dad for help. Dad slapped her. WHY? . . . . . Bcoz girl said: MY PUSSY IS HOT, DAD DO SOMETHING..
Scientists have been trying to invent Viagra for women , then realised its been therefor years .. its called CASH.
What did the girl say when her lover went down on her ? ... Darling, mujhe 'tongue' mat Karo. Plz....
Why does it take a MILLION sperms to Fertilize One Egg ? Ans: BeCause of Male & Female EGO How? 1) FEMALE EGO Rejection without Reason ! 2) Male Ego Won't Ask For Direction !
A Sociologist Study Verified That A Woman's Ultimate Fantasy Is Having Two Men At Once In Two Different Positions. One Cooking & Other Cleaning...!!!
Notification from God to all women: "Lying under somebody on bed & screaming "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD!" Wil not be considered as PRAYER.
Boss : What is the Difference Between a Key & a Panty..? Secretary (Sharmate Huye) : Key : INSERT & OPEN, Panty : OPEN & INSERT..
C.M. to Secretary- Jab se CM bana hu Meri Maa ko Hichki bahut aati hai! Secretary- Actually Sir, State me light jate hi Log Aapki Maa Ko Bahut Yaad Karte Hai.
Santa's Son To Santa : PAPA JI Tussi "PAPA" Kida Baney ? Santa : Bas Puttar "PA" "PA" ke....!!!!
A Fan sympathizes with Randeep Hooda & Arunoday Singh after watching the "Jism 2" promo Coz Poor guys kissed those lips.. Which sucked so many Dicks
Ladka pahli bar Callgirl k pas gaya, Nabhi me dalne laga. Callgirl: Bhosdike mere se 2 Dukan to sambal nahi rahi, Or tu Teesri Branch khol raha hai ? :)
Boy- Baba, mujhe aisa kaam batao, jisme target na mile kuch karna na pade log mehnat kare aur paisa mujhe mile BABA-Ja beta, Sarso ka Tel Laga k "ulta Let ja"
Santa went to hospital for ECG. Nurse: Shirt utaro.. Santa: Pehlay ECG na kar lein ?
Dr. mere pati ki nasbandi kardo......... Dr.-Q? Wife-mujhe 5wa mahina chal raha h,meri behan ka 4tha, kamwali ka 3ra, bakri ka 2ra or kal humari kutiya ne B ulti kar Di.
Kitna Adhura Lagta Hai.. Jab Baadal Ho Aur Baarish Na Ho.. Jab Zindagi Ho Aur Pyar Na Ho.. Jab Aankhe Ho Aur Khawab Na Ho Jab KHADA Ho Aur Koi JUGAAD Na ho!
Santa's wife lost interst in Sex Dr gave him 2pills 2give 2 wife He drops 1 in her tea & takes 1 himslf Aftr 30 mints, Wife:I need a MAN.!! Santa:ME TOO..!!
"Even a small dot can stop a big sentence, but, A few more dots give it continuity....." ..... So I suggest U to use ..."DOTTED" Condoms;)...
Teacher : Real Love is, when 2 people are so close that they see the world together in one direction. . . . . Student : U mean Doggy Style?? ;)
Banta- Tell me What's the Difference between Man & Woman? But No Vulgar Answers Pls OK? Santa- OK, Man has Pen without Cap & Woman has Purse without Zip. =))
For those who can't afford porn, its better to put woman's tennis on Tv, close ur eyes and only hear it =))
Whats D Similarity Between Washing Machine & Girls? Even If 1 Of These Is Not Available Then U Have To Use Ur Hands.
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 2
ITO found typing mistake in Tax Return of a prostitute. But Prostitute insisted that it's not a mistake. Amount Rs 5 Lac was correctly typed as 'Anal Income'
Practical thought: A husband is supposed to make his wife's panties wet, not her eyes. A wife is supposed to make her husband's dick hard, not his life..
Girl : LOVE kaise karte hain ? Boy : "L" ko pakadkar, "0" ko dabakar, "V" mein daalkar, Jab "E"... ki aawaz aaye. Tab Samjho LOVE ho gaya..!
A Nurse come in Docs Room. Docs Asks: Why is ur one Boob out of ur Shirt..? Nurse ans: Oh! These medical students never keep the things at place after use..
Padosan to Banta : Aapne Muje Blood Donate Kiya Thnx.. Banta : Madam, pls Thnx Mat Kahiye. Padosan: kyu? Banta: Main Bhale Hi Na Chadh Saka Par Mera Khoon to chada...
Biology Teachr:4 inch is necesary for pregnancy. A girl asked : Madam, what about 9 inch? Teacher : I'm talking about necessary, Not luxury..
Dentist: kya aap "Oral B" Karti ho..? . . . Sunny leone: Haan mein "oral Bhi" Karti hu..!!!!!!!
Naukrani Sex Ke Time: Sahab Anand Aa Raha Hai. Malik Tez karne Laga Nokarni: Saaaahab Aaaaaahhnand Aaaaaah Raaaahahh Hai. Malik Aur Tez karne laga Anand: Papa Main Aa Gaya
Sunny Leone coming in KBC 5. Amithab Asks her "Which one is ur favourite round?" She said- "Fastest Finger First...."
There are 70 ways to keep a Man happy.. One is alcohol :D;) The rest is 69
Kamwali ko Santa chhed raha tha kamwali- Badtamizi karoge to Mor bana dungi Santa- Murga suna tha par Mor kaise banaogi? Teri gaand me Jhaadu dalke. .
The only AGE that woman like to disclose these days.........is Cleavage!!!
We r from the land of Kamasutra. Probably, that's the reason in this country we get fucked in more ways than we can imagine.
A guy on weding night finds wife a Virgin ! "I want 2 Kiss d 1 who took care of u n protected ur Virginity" She gave a naughty smile n said "KISS MY ASS"
Husband & wife watching a blue-film. Wife- Aap aisi performence Q nhi dete? Husband- Are pagli, woh uski biwi nahi hai, puri jaan laga raha Hai, fir mile ya n mile..!!
Santa had a fight with a Girl. Girl: Fuck YOU!! Santa: Promise kar? =))
90% heart attack Gents ko hi aate he. Ladies ko sirf 10%. Q ? Simple yaar. Ladies ke heart k aage bumper hota hai na..!
Question: 'VAASNA' , 'PYAR' Aur 'SHAADI' Mein Kya Fark Hai ?? Santa: Vaasna Mein Panty Faadte Hain, Pyar Mein Utaarte Hain, Aur Shaadi Mein Dhote Hain ..
Santa Shook Banta's Hand & Asked "Banta Yaar, How's Your Sex Partner?" Banta Replied:- "u r Shaking It..!!"
According To A Research The Only Time A Man Takes Care of A Womans Hair is While She Is Giving Him A Blow Job
Modern Man's Thinking :- "My Heart Will Always Belong To Just One Woman.. But, I Have My Sperm For The Rest...!!!"
Diff between Bad & Worse. BAD: When ur kids find ur used Condom. WORSE: When u hav 2 blow it 2 prove that it's a Balloon
Chunu & Munu went swiming in the pool. Chunu dubne laga to usne Munu ki lulli pakad li. Munu bola: dekh le dosti, aaj ladki ke saath aata to mar gaya hota.
Galib ne chodte hue apni begam ko arz kiya - "jaan chudte hue jo tum paad deti ho.. Khuda ki kasam yun lagta hai jaise tum mere chodne ki daad deti ho!"
if sex is the best form of exercise why is it not readily available in the gym??! :
Very New & fresh non-veg adult sms messages
Santa- Kal Raat Ko party main maine ek ladki ko RAPE se Baachaya.
Banta -Wah Bhai Par Kaise??
Santa-Self Control Yaar Self Control !!!
GRAHK-aisi scheme lao ki 500 ki kharidari pe sex free ho.
Dukandar-aapko pata hi nhi, ye scheme to last month thi aur bhabhi ji ne 8 bar labh uthaya....('o')
A doc advising his patient who had a heart attack:
No smoking,
No drinking &
Have sex only with ur wife because it is very important that you avoid excitement!
What is the differance between palang and alang?
Alang is a ship breaking yard and palang is a seal breaking yard....
70 yr old couple at a candle-light dinner.
Wife: Its so romantic...I can feel the warmth in my boobs!
Husband: Ofcourse u can... they r hanging in ur soup!:D
1 Mouse was fucking an elephnt in a coconut farm.
1 cocnt fals on elephant's head
elpt: oouch!
mouse: oouch vouch kuch nahi gandu
Apna SHOT to aisa hi hota hai..
What is the similarity between Banking & Fucking?
In Both u loose your INTEREST after withdrawing.....
Thailand has d highest no of Prostitutes..
Wat else can u xpect wen Country's name is
THIGH LAND,
Capital is
BANG COCK
& Tourist Spot is called
FUK ET.
Gandhiji was Fucking kareena.
Kareena was enjoying n said: Gandhiji U r so old but u still fuck so hard.
Gandhi: Sweet heart its not my Dick, its my Stick..
Young girl praying : He God, plz. bless me to marry an intelligent Man..
God replied: Dat is impossible, Intelligent Man never Marries.... He just Fucks...
Lady-1 Shampoo plz
Shopkpr-Agar Head k bal dhone hai to HEAD N SHOLDER aur agar PANTY k bal dhone hai to PANTENE le lo.
Lady-GARNIER do Gand dhoni hai.
Suhaag Raat k Agle din:
Wife:Janu Nashta krna hai?
Hus:sex hi hamra Nashta hai & Sex start.
Wife Dupahar
ko:Khana khate hai?
Hus:sex hi khana hai & Again sex Start!
Raat ko Jab Pati room me Aya to Wife heater k Aage tange fela k baithi thi
Hus: ye kya kar rhi ho?
Wife:Raat ka khana garam kar rhi hu.
6 Years K Bache Ne 4 Years K Bache Ko Bola
"Oye Tuje Pata Hai Muje Aaj Balcony Me Condom Mila"
4 Years Ka Ladka:"Condom to theek hai,Balcony Kya hoti hai?
Santa Sali Se.
Teri Didi Busy He, Tu Nikey ko Dudh Pilade.
Sali-Mera to dudh hi nhi ata
Santa-Kamaal he, Display to bada show shaw wala hai.;)
Fauji ki B.V roj use apni Nangi photo bhejati aur kahati:Janu
tum kab auoge?
Fauji:Wo to thik hai par bhenchod photo kaun khich raha hai.
New non-veg & adult sms messages
FOUR MEN IN A PRISON CELL -
A RAPIST.
A MURDERER.
A PSYCO.
A GAY.
THE RAPIST SAYS, "IF THERE WAS A CAT HERE I'D FUCK IT TILL IT DIES"
THE MURDERER SAYS "ONCE YOUR DONE WITH IT, I'D TORTURE IT TO DEATH"
THE PSYCO SAYS "OH YEAH & ONCE IT'S DEAD I'D FUCK IT TILL I DIE"
THE GAY IN THE CORNER VERY SOFTLY SAYS, "MEOOW"
Shadi k 6 mahine baad ladki Maa se boli
Apne jo BED dia tha wo lambai me chhota he
Maa:Tu ab bata rahi he 6 mahine baad.
Ladki:Taange hi ab SEEDHI huyi he..
Hila darling hila. . zorse hila, pura hila dil se hila, pakad ke jor se hila bas hilati Ja, jitna hilayegi utana maja Ayega. warna Gaajar ka halwa jal jayega.
Dosti Bubs nahi jo dab jaye Dosti Lund nahi jo thak jaye Dosti gand nahi jo phat jaye Dosti to chut he mere dost jo samay Ke sath gehri hoti jaye.
Richman to poorman- 'How come ur penis so big? Poorman- replied: 'B'coz in my childhood i had no other toys to play with!!!
Jab Shadi Karne Ka Erada Ho,To Ghari Detergent Walo Ki Ladki Se Karna, Unka Kahna Hai Pahley Estamal Karo Phir Viswas Karo :-)
Santa goes library n asks 4 a book 'Psycho- the rapist'.
The librarian searches, come back n says:- idiot,
the book called
'PSYCHOTHERAPIST'.
How do arabs name their baby? If he smiles "Ismail" If he has 1 hair "Iqbal" If he has 1 hair on ear "Iqbal khan" If he has 1 hair on bum "Ass-if-iqbal" If he shakes his dad's cock "Sheikh abbu-da-lullah" If he shakes mom's boobs "Sheikh-Mah-Boob" If born with erection "Fuckruddin".
Girl- Main tenu chad k ja rahi aa, menu bhul jaain.
Boy- Na tere aan di khushi, Na tere jaan da gam. Fuddi teri main le liti, Daffa ho ja teri bhen di Lun.
Kamwali bai ko kuch ladke ched rahe the.
Bai- Batmiji karoge to Mor bana dungi.
Ladke- Mor kaise banaogi?
Bai- Madarchod Gaand mein Jhadoo Daal ke..
Girl: Main apni zindagi mein koi lamba haath marna chaahti hun..
Boy: Are bawali! Tum sirf haath maaro, lamba apne aap ho jaayega.. :-D
Ladki suit silane gyi
Tailor size lene k bad- Tumhara koi BF hai?
G- Haan, Q?
T- Use bolna thode din ryt side jyada dabaye, dono ka size same ho jayega.
GAND K PRAKAR-
(__!__) Moti gand
(!) Choti gand
(_?_) Pagli gand
(_#_) Zakhmi gand
(_$_) Mehangi gand
Aur haan tumhari bhi to hai
(__()__) FATI GAND.
Latest non-veg adult sms messages
PATI ne PATNI ko Surprise Dene k liye Apne Niche k Baal Katwaye Or Chupke se so Gya Nind Me PATNI Ne Niche Hath Fera to boli DEVAR JI Aap kab Aye?
CallGirl 2 santa- 200 me bed pe,100 me sofe pe aur 50 me ghas pe.Santa-le 200. CG-kafi dildar lagte ho. Santa-dildar ki maa ki chut, ghas pe 4 baar lunga..
Why are vegetarian women silent during sex? That's because they are in a state of shock that a piece of meat can give them so much pleasure..
Like IPL if there is an ISL(Indian sex league)thn wht wd be the name of the teams
1) Deccan condoms
2) Chennai supr penis
3) Kolkata n8 fuckers
4) Rajastan rapists
5) Punjab prostitute XI Lesbians
7) Delhi Sex devils
8) Banglore Royal strippers ..
Pathan 10 saal se
Ro ro kar Khuda se Aulad maang raha tha.
1 din faristha aya aur bola
oye
Khan
Tum ko Alah ka
Vasta mere bhai,
Sirf EK BAR
AAGE SE TO DAAL !
Quotes about swami nithyanand,AURA BY DAY.AURAT BY NIGHT-BLESSING BY DAY KISSING BY NIGHT.ASHRAM BY DAY BESHRAM BY NIGHT.BRAHMAN BY DAY BRA MAN BY NIGHT.
Jani 1 Wqt Tha Jab Tmhare MsG Ase Ate The Jaise KsiNe Tmhari G@nd Me Pistol Rkhi Ho Aur Tmse MsG Krwa Rha Ho Mgar Ab Lgta Hai k,jaise Usne Goli Mar di ho......?
Couple ne sex code rakha:KAPDE DHONA
Pati: Kapde dhone hai, washng machn khali hai?
Biwi: No!
1ghante baad,
Biwi: machine tayar h
Pati: Maine hath se dho liye.
Ek ladki ne 1 kutiya se pucha-Tumhe ek sath itne bachche kaise hote hai.
Kutiya-kabhi sadak par nangi ghumo phir pata chalega.
Pati sex karte hue bola:ladka nikalu ya ladki?Patni: tumhari ma ka bhosda,dard se meri gaand fati ja rahi hE.Pahle jo dala hE voto nikalo!
Mukesh tels anil-i wanna kiss ur wife....Anil rplies ok but 40p/min..Neeta screams 4m inside-don cheat..Rlaince 2 rlaince is free.
What is common between bosses & sperms.. . . Only 1 in a million turns out to be a human being!!! ;-)
Fresh non-veg adult sms messages
Burial worker: "Your husband's coffin isn't closing due to his erect penis..Wife:"Cut it & put in his Ass, Because thats the only hole in town he missed..
Har panty me ek raaz hota hai,
har bra ko utarne ka ek andaz hota hai,
jab tak maza na mile kele ka,
har ladki ko apni mosambi par naaz hota hai..
Suhagrat-Sunil apni wife ko sirf kiss kar k so gaya.
Subah ma boli bahu mandir jane se pehle nahalo.
Bahu gusse me:ji sirf brush kar leti hu baki sab fresh hai.
Santa ne underwear dho k padosan ki salwar k pas sukhne dal diya,aur awaz di bhabhi jab tum salwar utarogi mujhe awaz de dena.mai bhi underwear utaar lunga.!!
Doctor:How can u say that ur girlfriend has 2 holes in her ass?
Santa:whenever I & banta go 2 party with her,people say here comes d sexy Jenny with 2 ass-holes.
SEX TEACHER:- 1 drop of 'Sperm' is equal to 100 drops of blood..STUDENT:- To fir Miss aap hamara Khoon kyon chusti ho, Direct Lund Chuso na..! ;-)
1 girl: agar me car k niche aajau to, 1mnth no college 2 girl: me truck k niche ajau, 2mnths no college. Boy: tum mere niche aajao, 9 mnths no college.
Seeing his Wifes Nude Picture hangng at Art Galary,He askd DID U REALLY POSE 4 DAT? Wife:R u mad,of course not.He painted it from his sharp memory..
Manmohan or Laalu nadi me naha rahe the, Manmohan dubne lage to usne Lalu ka LUND pakad liya, Lalu:-Bhosdi k tairna seekh le SONIYA k sath hota to dub jata.
Husband climbs to bed naked. Wife:I have fever. Husband: I know that, So I've powdered my penis with crocin. U want 2 take it orally or as injection?
Gupt rog or sex samasya se pareshani ka ilaaj niche padhiye...
?
?
aale gupt Rogi,
Aaj tak tu chhupata rha lekin aakhir pakda gya na.!
Boy & girl playing hide & seek. Girl sends SMS:
agar tumne mujhe dhoond liya to hum sex karenge.
Agar nahi
dhunda to main store mein hi chhupi rahungi!
Class teacher ne students se 'MY CLASS TEACHER' pe 10 line likhne ko kaha.
Thodi der bad 1 student uthkar pucha: sir,'bhosdi wale' ko english me kya kahte hai?
Pota : dadaji ye condom kya hota hai?
Dadaji:Chal bhag nalayak,mujhe nahi pata
Pota:Me janta tha buddhe,tujhe pata hota to aaj jaaydaad ke 14 tukde nhi hote..
'LAVDE' AUR 'BEWDE' ME KYA $IMILARITY HAI?
DONO 'TIGHT' HONE KE BAAD 'ZOOMTE' HAI,
AUR 'KHADDE' MEIN GIRTE HAI.
AUR PHIR 'ULTI' KAR KE $O JAATE HAI;-)
Erotic non-veg adult sms messages
After Electi0n PM Of India ManMohan Singh Said
Yeh To Sonia G K Hath Ka Kamal Hai
Werna Is Umar Mein Mera Khara Hona Mushkil Tha.
*****************
sex is like a maths test
me plus u subtracked the cloths
add the bed
divied the legs
multiply the orgasms fancy a maths test??
*****************
Doc 2 lady:-why r u looking so exhausted? r u properly taking 3 meals per day as i advised
lady:-oh! my god! i heard 3 males per day:-
*****************
Thought of the DAY
Rape is not a crime,
it is just a SURPRISE sex...
*****************
boy: I love ur daughter since 5 months.
Father: How can u proove it.
boy: wait for 4 month... u will belive ur self.
*****************
What did the blonde�s left leg say to her right leg?
Between the two of us, we can make a lot of money
*****************
Man1: my wife is obsess w/ cars. While asleep, she holds my bird & say Ferari,Porsche�
Man2: mine is worst she puts my bird inside her & say Full Tank pls.
*****************
Q. Bhagwan ko gussa kab aata he?
A. Jab koi ladki shaadi se pehle pregnant ho jaye aur uski maa kahe, HE BHAGWAN YE TUNE KYA KIYA.
*****************
SEX is My Favourite. I Do it regularly.
Do it & Feel Good! U'll enjoy it!
I'll Die w/out SEX,
S-Sleep,
E-Eat,
X-xercise,
So do it everiday, good for u.
*****************
He took me 4rm a bar.
He took me in his car.
He took my top off.
He puts his lips on mine, but don't worry,
I'm a bottle of wine..
*****************
Why men walk more and women talk more?
bCoz men have three legs and women hav 4 lips
*****************
What iz hairy on da outside and moist inside, begins with a 'C' ends with a 'T' and has U' and 'N' in da middle?
Answer: COCUNUT.
*****************
I really, deeply wish dat u r here wid me in my room, on my bed & lights iz off & we get under da cover together.. 2 show u my.. new watch tat glow in da dark
*****************
that innocence that you posses in your eyez & conversationz happen in your eyez.i hold you dear you are the goddess of my heart.
*****************
There are so many ways to say I love you tht u should alwayz seek the opportunity 2 do so. Becz at the end of the day, that's really all that matters.
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