Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 7
Teacher: 1+4+3=? Student A - i love you, B - i miss you, C - i kiss you, D - i f**k you. Teachr- oooohh..... you shamless studnts this is mathematics, Not a lov quest. And also you all weak in maths.
Ans. 8
Two Girls were masturbating with carrots.
Boy says: What are you doing?
Girls: you naughty guy, will u join us?
boy: Wait, I'll get a carrot...!
LadyTeacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Banta: My penis in your hand. Teacher slapped Banta.
Santa: Sorry mam, I forget to put space between PEN IS.
Q: What is a kiss?
A: Very simple, its an enquiry at the top floor about the vacancy in the ground floor.
Aids awareness slogan:
Cover ur stump b4 u pump
dont b silly, protect ur jelly..
AIDS is no joke
wrap b4 u poke
dont be fool
condomize ur tool...
Who is a true indian? Guess.. Guess..... Guess.......? The one who is sitting on a western toilet in INDIAN STYLE
When a lady s Pregnant, all her Friends touch her Stomach n say "CONGRATS" But, none of them comes & touch men's P***s and say "Well done" Hard work is not appreciated.
Boy: can i touch your software
girl: first show me your hardware
boy: should i install it in your system
girl: cover it with antivirus and then install.
Two Girls were masturbating with carrots.
Boy says: What are you doing?
Girls: you naughty guy, will u join us?
boy: Wait, I'll get a carrot...!
Two kids were lying on bed in same basket.
1st: I am boy and you?
2d: I don't know.
1st: wait I will see. He went into the blanket and said, you are a girl.
2nd: how did you know?
1st: because my socks are blue and your socks are pink.
Moral: improve your thoughts for god sake.
While fucking girl started shouting PEPSI PEPSI boy asked what's PEPSE?
She replied P-please E-enter your P-penny S-slowly I-inside.
Golden rules for f***ing.
1. f***ing once a week is gud for health, but its harmful if done everything.
2. f***ing gives proper relaxation for mind and body And fasting gives you relax.
Judge: why you want divorce?
Man: she does not satisfy me in bed.
Judge: its true madam?
Lady: damit, whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problem.
Daughter- mom, when can you be sure that a man is thinking of sex?
Mom: put your finger near his nose, if he breathing, he is thinking of sex.
Two men searching for their lost wife's.
1st: how does your wife looks?
2nd: 5.9 heights, 36-24-36, fair, blue eyes, sexy, what is yours?
1st: forget mine, let's search yours.
Teacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Boy: my penis in your hand.
Teacher slapped and asked what is this?
Boy: oh I forget to put space between pen and is.
Fifa has decided that girls should be goalkeepers for the world cup, because no matter how wide they open, they never lets the balls go in.
What is contraceptive pill? It's the 2nd best things that a woman can keep in her mouth to avoid pregnancy. Now done ask what the 1st thing is.
Failure is not when your girlfriend leaves you, it's only when you leave her a virgin.
Wife ask husband, how many women he had slept with, husband proudly replies, only you darling with others I was wake.
4 stages of love.
1. Hand in hand.
2. Hand in that.
3. That in hand.
4. That in that.
Now don't ask me what is that.
On first night both man and wife claim virginity.
Wife: if this is your first time then how you fucked so well?
Man: if this is your 1st time then how you know I fucked so well?
Lovers went to film; a mosquito enters girl's skirt. Guess where it bites? Naughty mind always think bad, it bites on boys hand.
Define breast? B-beautiful R-round shaped E-equipment A-amazingly S-soft with T-tasty milk.
You may love your girl friend very deeply, but you cannot express it more than 7-8 inches deeply.
Son: daddy what's the difference between confidence and secret?
Daddy: dear, you are my son that is confidence. Your friend ramu also my son that secret.
Blind boy giving sweet to all. Aunty came from bathroom without dress to get sweets, knowing he's blind. Aunty: what's special? Boy: I got my eyes.
Don't marry and make a woman happy infact remain a bachelor and make several women happy.
Who's guilty? wife dreams at night suddenly shouts "quick my husband is back" man gets up, jumps out the window and realize" damit i am the husband.
Burial worker : Your husband's coffin isn't closing due to his erect sex organ.
Wife : Cut it & put in his ass because that's the only hole in the town he hasn't ucked.
What is the difference between a child and an egg? Egg is an result of a sitting hen and child is a result of standing cock.
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 5
After a Certain Age, Men & Women Become like Christmas Trees . . The BALLS & BELLS are only for DECORATION . . . Enjoy your age before its too late..
Dad: Ek zamaana tha jab mein 10 Rs mein Doodh pee ke aata tha. Son: Woh zamaane gaye daddy. Aajkal toh 10 rs mein koi dikhati bhi nahi hai
Hum gaye use manane k liye.. Wo khafa achi lagi,to humne khafa rehne diya. MEANING: Is sher me shayar apni mehbooba se indirectly keh rha hai... "MAA CHUDA"
Teacher: Samasya aur Chunauti kya h? Studnt: 1bistar,Teen ladke, ek ladki ye h samasya ek bistar,teen ladkiya, ek ladka ye hai chunauti
Male v/s Female Brain. Female BRAIN Thinking 20% Jewelry 20% Shoping 20% Money 20% Enjoy 10% Fuck 10% Kitchen care. Male Brain 99% Fuck & 1% how 2 FUCK.
A girl asks her doctor how many calories are there in sperm ??? Doc. - "Believe me, if you can swallow, no one gives a fuck how fat you are !!!
Nawab Sahab Noukrani Se: Tum Begum Se Zyada Maza Deti Ho Naukrani: Ye To Badappan Hai Aapka Hazur, Saare Noukar toh Kehte Hai K Mujhse Zyada Begum Maza Deti Hai
Santa: When is your birthday? Banta: Next week, why? Santa: To gift you curtains.. I'm sick of seeing your wife giving you blowjobs ;) Banta: When is yours? Santa: April. Why? Banta: To gift you binoculars... So you can see who's wife it is. ;)
Neta Gaon Ke Ek Ghar Me Jakar, Ek Aurat Se Bola:- Ab Hum Aa Gaye Hain Ab VIKAAS Hoga.. Aurat: Pichhli Bar Bhi Tumne Yehi Kaha Tha... Per MUNNI Hui Thi..!!
Gal: ystrday I came to ur house wid a rakhi y dint u let me tie it? Boy : ajeeb zabrdasti hai Tomrw if I'll come to ur house with a condom wil u hv sex wid me?
Banta: Ek white colour ka condom dena. Shopkeeper: White hi kyun? Banta: Padosan ka husband guzar gaya hai, afsos karne jaana hai.
Bra to support boobs is understandable But What r panties for? Bcoz The Municipal Law states that all man-holes must be covered, when not in use !
Condoms are like parents... they are there to protect you, but usually it's more fun when they're not around.....
An UNFAITHFUL husband thinks of other women when he sleeps with his wife. A FAITHFUL husband thinks of his wife when he sleeps with other women
Frustrated Santa- Don't waste your money on Anti-wrinkle cream. I have been using it for 6 months & my balls still look like Walnuts...:p
A secretary got an expensive PEN as birthday gift from her boss. She sent her boss a 'Thank You' via SMS. The wife read the text and angrily shows her husband the message: Your penis wonderful, I enjoyed using it last night. Thanks! Moral: Space is essential in every successful married life!!!
Sunny Leone is learning Hindi for Jism-2. Usey lagta hai ki Mahesh Bhatt uss se dialogue bulwayega!!
Agar ek Chinese ladki ki virginity chali jaye, to uska naam kya hoga ? . . . . . . Guess. . . . . . Guess . . . . . .'LEE HUI'..!!
Share Market mein Jab se laga hu.. Har din subah.. Secretary.. GirlFriend.. Dhoban.. Kamwali.. Padosan.. Samnewali.. Sab yehi puchti he Aaj CHADEGA kya...?
New sexy secretary: To boss , muze roz kittne ghante baithna padega? Boss: Bagal ke cabin me 10 ghante, ya fir 10 minute mere ghante pe. Choice is your's
Ek ladka school bathroom me hand practice kar raha tha tabi Uski teacher aa gayi... ladka bola mam aapki umra Bohot lambi hai 100 saal jiyogi mam.. ..
Ek ladki apni saheli se : Aajkal Ladke itni dheeli pants Pahente hain ki pata hi nahi Chalta ki hamein dekh kar Kaisa "FEEL" kar rahe hain...?
Santa enters home Wife sitting on sofa in skirt not wearing Panty. She spreads her legs. Santa stares at the spot. Wife smiles: "Aise kya Dekh rahe ho! Panty nahi pehni hai." Santa: "Tune to Daraa hi diya. Mujhe laga Sofa Phat gaya hai !!
An innocent girl asked her boyfriend "Who is Sunny Leone??" He replied,"She is the female version of Sunny Deol with 'dhai dhai kilos' at the 'proper places'
AKBAR 2 BIRBAL: Yaar, meri Begum kabhi kabhi mere neeche k baal kheenchti hai BIRBAL: Saza do saalli ko, Jis din khinchey ussi din 2 bar aage se chodo 2 bar peeche se 2 bar khade hoke 2 bar bitha ke 2 bar Muhh mei 2 bar gaand mei SHOT maaro AKBAR: abbay Bhosdike, SAZA USKO DENI HAI YA MUJHE?
Who is an Ideal Wife? . . Pati daru pee ke Ghar aaye.. aur patni aane par pooche: . . Suno jee..pehle Condom lagaaun ya Khana..?
Imp msg.. Send this to all whom you care.. 'A teenager who lived in brazil died after Masturbating 42 times in a day'... So guys.. 41 is the limit.
Correct communication is so important. A woman to a man during sex: 'Keep it up!' Man wonders if it was a complaint or compliment.;)
Gal: ystrday I came to ur house wid a rakhi y dint u let me tie it? Boy : ajeeb zabrdasti hai Tomrw if I'll come to ur house with a condom wil u hv sex wid me?
LUV D WAY IT RUBS AGAINST D SOFT PINK FLESH N MAKES A CREAMY FOAMY LIQUID AS IT THRUSTS IN&OUT,UP&DOWN,CAN`T WAIT 4 NEXT TIME.LUV MY TOOTHBRUSH
rooster&cat goin over bridge,cat slips&falls in river.rooster cant stop laughin.wats D moral?whereva therZ a wet pussy therZ a happy cock
Son on his honeymoon phoned his mom asking what 2 do. MOM:Put ur biggest thng on her hairiest thng. SON:got my nose in her armpit. Now what?
A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex? His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.
Q:Who is stronger, Man Or Woman? A:A woman bcos she lifts 2 mountains on her chest while a man lifts 2 stones with the help of a crane.
The sky is blue,grass is green,harder the fuck the louder the scream,louder the scream the better the fuck,give me a ring u might be in luck
Man says to his wife: Let me take a picture of your breasts, than I can always look at them. Wife: Let me take a picture of you penis, I will have it enlarged
Nipple Nipple dont be far, can I press u in my car. Up above the chest so high, always milky never dry. Let me suck you, dont feel shy.
Girl: Im like a radio,my mouth spkr,my left breast tuner, right 1 volume. Man:Can I try?(touches d breats)-no sound. Girl:U havent plugged in yet!
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 6
Sindhi suhagraat me dhire dhire wife ki panty uttar raha thha. Wife:sharmate hue ,kya dekh rahe ho? Sindhi:chaddi achhi hai, 50 rupye ki to hogi.;)
Said by A True Lover "I dont hate U but I cant love U" Means- "Madarchod tu itni khubsurat nhi k shadi karlu par itni buri bhi nhi ke bina chode jane du"
Man Nude on beach Lady cums & plays Tabla on his Bums Man: What's that Lady: Enjoying Zakir Hussain Man changes position & says: Now enjoy Hariprasad Chaurasia.B-)
1 Bona SuhagRat Ko Room Mai Entr Hote Hi Biwi Se Bola:Chal ghodi Ban!Biwi:Ye Kya Badtmeezi h? Bona:Badtemezi Nahi!Kamray Ki Kundi Lagani hai...
This one is abt visualisation : Ever imagined... why our Ass is split vertically? Coz if it was horizontal it wud clap wen U run down d stairs... ;-)
Husband:- Darling Tumhara kabhi Dil nahi Chahta ke Tum Mard hoti. . . . . . . WiFE:- Kyun Aaj Tumhara Gaand Marwane ka Mann kar raha hai kya.
Studnt-Mam, jab Hindustan ko Hind Pakistan ko Pak Australia ko Aus kahte H to Brazil Or London ko kya kahege? Techer-Tu apna kam kar haramkhor..
Mallika apne Boobs.. blouse me kaise set karti hai ? ? ? ? . ? ? Exactly.. Aise Hi- DABA-DABA K:-)
Nawab wife se sex karte hue Achanak 1 hath upar kar k GOL GOL Ghumaane laga: Wife- Ye kya tha? Nawab- Chalo Begum Ab Palat Jao, Hamne POWER PLAY Le Liya Hai..
Height of Dissapointment: Husband enter in a Medical store to buy Condoms on weekend and receives SmS frm Wife- "GHAR AATE HUYE WHISPER LE AANA".
Dama se pidit pati sex krte waqt: Tumhe krte waqt kyaa chiz sabse acchi lagi h? BV-Aapki KHAANSI, jb aap andar daal kr non stop khanste ho to maza aajata h...
Biwi ke dudh ki chai pilate hue Santa:- Le dost tune aisi Chai kbhi nhi pi hogi BANTA:- Ha yaar Chai to aisi nhi pi Pr dudh ka taste jana pehchana lagta hai...
Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
Wat's the diff between pulling a curtain and a panty? ANS: When U pull a curtain, it means tat the show is over. But pulling down a panty means IT'S SHOWTIME!
Excellent one liner quote :- "Those who Hesitate, Later only Masturbate...!!!
Lady to Shopkeeper:-Mujhe 28 Ki Bra dena, shkpr ne boy ko bola "1 Babulal" lana. Tabhi dusri Lady boli mujhe 36 ki bra 2. shkpr boy se "1 ZULeLAL" B lete Aana.
Wife came out from taking a bath, gave a wink and said "I shaved my pu**y, you know what that means?" Husband "The drain is clogged again"..:p
Lady Dr- mat sharmao mai Dr.hu,maine pehle bahut dekha hai,sirf batao kya problem hai,mai check karugi Santa-meri wife ko lagta h ki mere lund ka taste fika hai..B-)
Galib SUZUKI chala raha tha., Bachey Samne Aye to Arz kiya.,k Ankhon Mein Jalaye Rakhta Hoon Mein ApKi Yadon K Deep, Hato madarchodo Beep beeep beep.
Quote for ladies:- If your boyfriend remembers the colour of your eyes after the first date, then you probably have small boobs...=)
1 Rajsthani lady doctr k pas gai or boli: Mahro pet dard kre he. Dr:Eno liyo k ni liyo? Ldy:Ino b liyo uno b liyo or baju wala ko b liyo pr koi fark koni padiyo
Santa was feeling HAPPY. . After 10mins. . . HAPPY slapped him . .
Ek Kaala husband apni biwi se bola, ''Mujhe bachcha achha chahiye.'' Biwi: dekhoji, choice is yours. Achha chahiye, ya Apna chahiye?
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 1
Suhag Raat ko Biwi Apne Medical Representive Pati se boli-Ye poora hi hai na? M.R.-Kya Matlab?? Bibi-Actually,Tum Logo ke paas to sirf sample hota hai..
Santa: Mujhe Sanskrit sikha do Pandit: Q S: Devtao ki bhasha hai, swarg me jrurat padegi P: Agar nark gaye to S: BENC**D..! Punjabi to aati hai na..!
No Matter How Classy The Word "Bitch" Sounds But, "Bhen Ki Lodi" Kehne Ka Alag Hi Mazaa Hai..:p
Lady:sir koi aisi dawa deejiye ki mere pati ka patther se jyada sakht ho jaye? DR AFTER A Deep thought; apko sirf njoy karna hai ya masala bhi piswana hai.
Great people say "Sabbra ka fal mitha hota hai."This is not said to have patience.The real meaning is"sab" "bra" "ka" ''fal'' mitha hota hai !
Boobs are the proof that men can focus on 2 things at once.....!
Santa asks his angry Wife for Sex. Wife: I don't want to see ur FACE. Santa also got angry & said: Ok, I also don't want to see ur Face- . . So, LETS DO 69.
Men are like babies.. If you want to shut them up, stick a boob in their mouth..
Ladka shadi k pehle apni biwi ko Dr. K paas virginity test k liye le gya. Test k baad Dr. "Congrats, U R lucky Mera hi badi mushkil se ander gya
Passion is - Tearing her panties off & pushing them aside... Sexy is - Seductively sliding them down.... Married is - Taking time to fold them!!
Sar par bomb rakhenge toh pehle sar phatega ya bomb? Chinese- Pehle sar phatega. American- No, pehle bomb phatega. Indian- Ustad, sabse pehle gaand phategi.
Vicky Donor special! Teacher:"Why sperm donation is more expensive than blood donation ..?":sardar: "Very simple madam "HAND" made things are always costly...":)
Lady Teacher : 'Mujhe Bacchon ki Shakal se pata lagta hai ki Unn k Dimag me kya Chal raha hai'. Student :'Fir bhi Aap Apna Dupatta sahi nahi kar rahi ho'...
Husband and wife watching a porn movie.. Wife- Why can't u fuck me as long and as hard as the guy in the movie ? Husband- PAGLI She isn't his wife !!
Suhaag Raat Ko Salim Ne Salma Ki Taangen Uthaayi To Wo Rone Lagi. Salim: Kya Hua? Salma: Kuchh Nahi ! Basheer Bhai yaad aa gaye. Unka bhi yahi style tha..! =))
BoY-Tum Ab Bdal Gyi ho GRL-Q Boy-Ab Me Tumhare BOOBS Dbata Hu To Tum Ankhein Band Nhi Krti G-Kutte Pichhli Bar Band Ki Thi To BRA me Se Rs100 Gayab Th
Ek Pathan road pe susu kar rha tha Police ne pakda:Ye gair kanuni hai Pathan:Ya alla, Ye kya bolti tum? GAIR KA NUNI? Ye bachpan se humara apna NUNI hai
Chor ladki ki chain loot ke bhaaga Jaate jaate jorse boobs bhi daba gaya. Bas usi din se ye muhavara bana: EK TO CHORI UPAR SE SEENAJORI.
Dad.. Ek zamana tha jab mai 10 rupaye me Doodh Pee k aata tha Son.. woh zamana gaya dad Aajkal toh 10 rupaye me koi dikhati bhi nahi hai
Woman to God: U R partial, U gave Men both, a Penis & a Brain. God: Dont worry, he does not have enough blood supply to use both at the same time...!!
Why Boys Walk Faster Than Girls & Girls Talk More Than Boys? B'coz Boys Have 1 Extra Leg, Girls Have 1 Extra Lips. Samje toh Forwrd Karo Nahi toh Cartoon Dekho.
Dudhwala continuously ringing door-bell.Lady from inside: Bhaiya kitna dabaoge, ab bas bhi karo. tumse accha to Paperwala hai jo chup chap neeche se daal deta haai
What is the Difference between a 'BOOT' (Shoe) & a 'CHOOT' (Pussy) ??? ;) . . . . . . A BOOT accepts only one SIZE only, But a CHOOT accepts all SIZES...!& Always Dil Mange More.:O
2 nangi ladkiyo ne bank loot liya. Bahar aake 1 boli- chal ab kapde pahan le koi pehchan nahi payega, kyuki kisi ne shakal toh dekhi hi nahin hogi...!
Bhagwan- Maine Ladkiyo ko itna Sundar, Kamuk, Uttejak banaya koi kami ho to batao. Boy:-Bas niche chood me Pasword System kar do taki jiski hai wo hi chod sake.
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 4
Santa was rejected at MBA job interview when he was asked to give an example of team work.. Santa replied ''Gang Rape".
The Duck looks smooth & calm on top of water but under that there is restless paddling. Moral of the story : Admi upar se kitna bhi sharif lagta ho..Neeche se uska samaan hilta hi rahta hai.
RECESSiON Signboard on d door of a prostitute: Summer Offer: "USE BOTH SiDES AT SAME PRiCE OR ANY ONE SiDE TWiCE."
Instead of learning unconditional love, faithfulness, honesty & loyalty from Dogs, the only thing we learnt is their "FUCKING" style!
Marital sex is holy; it should be kept sacred. Extramarital sex is immoral; it should be kept secret..;)
For years he thought He was a Damn Good Fucker But then He found out His wife actually had asthma
Q : How is a woman like a condom? A: Both of them spend more time in your wallet than on your dick..
ADULT THOUGHTS: Advice to women. Go braless, then nobody will notice the wrinkles on ur face. :)
Girlz are like Viagra. Their sole purpose is to make things harder for Guyz.
Ladki patane mein 'CH' shabd ka bahut yogdan hai.. Na pate to Chanta & Chapal milta hai, Pat jaye to Chumna, Chusna, Chatna, Chadhna aur CHODNA milta hai..
Bhakt:Nirmal Baba,Raat ko Swapandosh hota h Baba:room me kiska poster h? Bhakt:Katrina ka Baba:Mayawati ka lagao kripa hogi.Swapandosh to kya khada b nhi hoga.
A bank was planning to use Rakhi Sawant's legs as the logo for its ATM. ? ? ? ? ? Just wanted customers to know that they are open 24 hours...
Baap- Iss Ladki mein aisa kya hai ki toone shaadi k liye haan kar di ? Beta- dad ye bachpan mein Angutha Bahut Achchha Choosti thi.. Isliye...!
My Heart Will Always Belong To Just One Woman.. But, I Have My Sperms For The Rest...!!!
Little Girl Climbed a Tree. Santa Saw, Called Her Down & Gave Her Rs.100 to Buy a Panty. (Girl Told Mom) Greedy Mom Climbed Next Day. Santa Called Her Down & Gave Rs.5 to Buy a Razor...!
Mam-Give 3 advantages of Banana. Boys- 1.Rich calcium. 2.Reduces cholestrol. 3.No risk of cancer. Girls- 1.No risk of pregnancy. 2.No HIV. 3.No need of partner!
1st man: Tum Niche ke Baal kaise Saaf karte ho? 2nd: Razor se, aur tum? 1st: Jarurat he nahi, Meri bivi Baatein hi aisi karti hai ki Jhante Sulag jati hai..
Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi, Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar Raha Thha, Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi, Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne Puchha. Banda:Tum Itna Cheekh Kyun Rahi Ho? Wife:Bahar Tere Dost Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh Rahi Hoon...
Boy-Roop tera ankho ko bha gaya tere Husn ka nasha dil pe cha gaya . Girl - teri tarif me kya kahu KAMEENE tere isi pyar k karan mera 30 ka BRA 36 tak aa gaya..
Gupta JI wanted Twins. So what did he do? Think . . . . . . . . . . . . . . He made two holes in d condoms:
During sex, GF started screaming, throwing hands & crying. Boy: What R U doing? We aren't doing it 1st time! GF: U just continue, I'm practising for my wedding nite.
Bhakat- Baba hr saal bacha peda ho jata hai kya kru? Nirmal Baba- Condom lgao. Bhakat- Baba lagata hun phir bhi ho gata hain Nirmal Baba- Condom mohalle me baant do, Kirpa Hogi
Woh kya cheez h Jiske paas ho woh hath se pakad k hilate h, Aur jiske paas na ho woh ungli dal ke hilate h. ? ? Sexy SMS ke pyaaso, 'TOOTHBRUSH':
Pahli bar Jija shadi k baad sasural aaya, biwi ki choti bahen khidki se dekh ke boli-Lo aa gaya Bhenchod. Maa-Aisa nahi kehte. Wo boli-Rishta vahi, soch nayi..
Why do we say 'pyaar mei gir gaya'?? ? ? ? ? ? ? Bcoz if we say 'pyaar mein khada ho gaya' toh double meaning ho jaega na !:-D
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