Ek Bande Ki Suhagraat Thi,
Vo Bade Aaram Se Sex Kar RahaThha,
Par Uski Wife Jor Jor Se Cheekh Rahi Thhi,
Banda Hairan Hua Aur Usne
Puchha. Tum Itna Cheekh
Kyun Rahi Ho?
Wife:Bahar Tere Dost
Khade Hai, Chutiye Teri Izzat Rakh
Rahi Hoon
Sex kya hai;
Sex ek kala hai, Jo kare uska bhala
hai
Sex ek bhavna hai, jisko pura kurne
ki sabki kaamna hai
Sex do atmaon kaa milan hai, sadiyo
se jiska chalan hai
Sex maja hai, Jo na kare uska jeevan
ek saza hai
Sex bhakti hai, jisme subki mukti hai
Sex ek jaap hai, jisko na jupna
mahapaap hai
Sex amrut hai, poora jeevan jisse
trupt hai - Dirty Sex
Pehli Baar chudai Karane K Baad
Ladki LUND ko choom k Boli:
Aaj Mujhe Satya Ka Gyan Ho Gaya,
'COKE' 'PEPSI'
Sab Bakwas
"MARD Ki LASSI"
Hi Bujhaye Asli Pyaas.
Purani soch:-Karo ya Maro.
Nayi soch:-Marne se Phle kuch karo!
Ekdam Nai soch:- Jab tak kuch kar
nahi lete maro mat!
Hamari Soch:-Koi Bataega Sala
karna kya hai?
Kaviyatri ki suhag raat ke baad uski
saheli ne pucha-Kaisi rahi
suhagraat?
Woh boli-
"Aaye the wo der se,
Dil jala diya,
Pehle kiye Darwaza band,
Fir deepak bhuja diya.
Pehle dabane lage
boob tatolkar,
Fir khelne lage
chaddi khol kar.
Ek jung aisi chidi palang par,
Gole wali toph rakh di surang par,
Mila sirf 9 minute ka maja,
Ab bhogni hai 9 mahine ki saja,
9 mahine baad aisa hoga vispot,
Jo ban jayega Bharat ke liye
1 aur vote...
Paper Dene Or Sex Karne Ke Baad
Sari Girls Ki Feelings Same Hoti
Hai:Kitna Lamba Tha NaKash Thora
Time Or Mil JataTooba Pehle Kitna
Dar Lag Raha ThaPhir To Pata Hi
Nahi Chala Kab Ho GayaUff Teen
Ghante Tak To Meri Saans Hi Band
Ho Gayi ThiAagay Ka To Theek Tha
Peechay Ka Kitna Mushkil Tha Na.
MARD hone k 6 fayade:
1. 'Un Dino' ka tension nahi hota.
2. Koi Heavy saaman latakta nahi
rahta(.)(.)
3. Nange bhi ghumo to kisi ki
bhavnaye nahi jagti.
4. Virgnity ka koi proof nahi hota.
5. Khujane pe hath geela nahi hota.
6. And above all, jaha chahe waha
moot sakte h.
IF U R MEN.!
Jiyo L**D utha k...
Ek bus me Ladko & Ladkiyo ki team
Antakshari
Khel rahi thi
Girls Hum Tumko Harakar Hi
Dikhayenge,
Pichhe betha PAPPU BOLA :- Hum
Haar Gye, Chalo Ab Dikhao
Ek Ladka bike se Aunty ko ghar
chhodne ja raha tha.Jab bhi aunty
ke boobs uski peeth se lagte, wo
kehta : "Na pintu na, ye aunty
he."Ghar pahooch ke Aunty boli :
"Tu kis pintu ke sath baat kar raha
tha?"Ladka sharma ke bola :"aapke
nipples bar bar takra rhe the,, Mera
penis bar bar khada ho raha tha, to
me use samajha raha tha ke pintu
khada na ho, yeh to Aunty
hai."Aunti boli : "Dhutt pagle,Aunty
to mai teri hu,Pintu ki nahi…. chal
andar"
Most BOYS don't lyk
Touch screen mobile,
U know why?
Jinhe dabane ki aadat
ho,
Unhe bas touch karne
me kahan maza aayega...!!!!
Azam Khan- Sirji election time kitna
boring hai, chalo kuch game khelte
hain...
Mulayam- Chal dekhte hai hum
dono mein se sabse bada bakchod
kon hai..!
Teacher Ne Class Mein Pappu Se Pucha
Teacher: “Batao Ladkiya Dupatta Kyun Pahnti Hai?”
Pappu: “Mam, Science Ki Wajah Se”
Teacher: “Wo Kaisi”
Pappu: “Kyunki Science Bhi Is Baat Ko Manti Hai Ki Khane Peene Ki Cheezo Ko Dhakk Kar Rakhna Chahiye“
Ek jungle mein sare male janwar
female janwaar ko 24 ghante chodte
rahte the.. !!Saari female jaanwar
mil ke Brahmaji ke pass gayi aur
vardaan mangaa ke kam se kam ek
mahiney ke liye chudai se mukti
miley !Bramhaji ne SAB male
janwaron ke laudey kaat ke unko
token de diye aur boley ki ek
mahiney ke baad token lanaa aur
apna-apna lund le jaana.. !Shaam ke
time Bandar ped pe baitha
tha..Bandariya ne usey chedtey hue
kaha:"Chodsaaley,bhenchod ! Ab
chod naa mujhe"?Bandar kuch nahi
bola.Bandariya fir boli"Chod na
Bhadve, chod na behen ke laudey.."!!
Bandar ne ek choti si smile di aur
bola:"Ek maheena ruk ja
haraamzaadi ! Maine Haathi ka token
churaya hai..."!!!
The best ever English to hindi
dictionary for guys:
xcuse me= sun chutiye;
stupid= abe gandu;
get out=Nikal bhosdike;
I m in problem = Yaar loude lag gaye;
I am scared= gaand phati hui hai yaar;
Where r u= Abbey Kahan maa chuda raha hai;
Would u like to have this= lega laudu;
Not possible!!!= chal bhosdike;
He is a very bad person= Bada madarchod hai;
I'm sorry = maa chuda;
Where r u? = kahan gaand mara raha hai?;
I 4give u! = muh mei le le;
No = ghanta;
Too small= jhaant barabar;
Too big= gaand faadu;
Difficulty= gaand faat gayi;
We rock= maa chod di;
And finally the best one:
Dost= laude......
Teacher: "What Is A Condom?"
.
Aamir Khan Muskurane Lag Jata Hai
.
Teacher: "Aap Itna Muskura Kyu
Rahe Ho?"
.
Aamir: "Sir!, Wo Kya Hai, Bachpan Se
Iccha Thi
Ki Main Sex Education College Mein
Padhu! Aaj
Yaha Padh Raha Hu, Bahut Maza Aa
Raha Hai"
.
Teacher: "Zyada Maza Lene Ki
Zarurat Nahi Hai,
Condom Ki Defination Bolo?"
.
Aamir: "Sir! Condom Is Anything
Which Reduces
Population"
.
Teacher: "Will U Plz Elaborate?"
.
Aamir: "Har Wo Cheez Jo Population
Control
Kare!""
.
Baccha Paida Nahi Karna Hai,
Condom Hai Na"
"Masti! Chahiye Raat Se Lekar Subah
Tak,Condom Hai Sir"
"Actualy Sir! Hum Condom Se Ghire
Hue Hai"
"8th Class Ke Ladke Se Lekar Mujh
Tak, Sab
Condom Ka Use Kar Rahe Hai"
"1 Second Mein In,1 Second Mein
Out, In-Out,
In-Out"
.
Teacher: "Arre... Defination Kya
Hai?"
.
Aamir: "Wo Hi To Bata Raha Hu Sir"
.
Teacher: "Exam Mein Ye Sab
Likhoge?"
.
"Ye Condom Hai! Masti! Raat Se
Lekar Subah
Tak!
Idiot""Anybody Else??"
.
Chattur: "Sir!, Condom Are Between
Any
Combination Of Body So Connected,
That Their
Relative Positions May Be Seen In
Kamasutra.
.
."Teacher: "Wah! Kya Baat Hai."
Marzi Ka Sex Pap Nahi Hota..Piche se
Dalne Wala Kabhi Baap nahi
Hota..Condom Zarur Lagana Mere
DostQki..Sex k Waqt POPAT Ke Pass
Dimag nahi hota. Dirty Shayari
HUSBAND WANTED
A lonely woman, aged 70, decided
that it was time to.get married. She
put an ad in the local paper that
read:
HUSBAND WANTED!
MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70's),
MUST NOT BEAT ME,
MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,
AND MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!
ALL APPLICANTS PLEASE APPLY IN
PERSON.
On the second day she heard the
doorbell. Much to her dismay, she
opened the door to see a gray-
haired gentleman with no arms or
legs sitting in a wheelchair.
The old woman said, "You're not
really asking me to consider you, are
you? Just look at you ... you have no
legs!" The old man smiled,
"Therefore I cannot run around on
you!"
She snorted. "You don't have any
hands either!"
Again the old man smiled, "Nor can I
beat you!"
She raised an eyebrow and gazed
intently. "Are you still good in bed?"
With that, the old gentleman leaned
back, beamed a big broad smile and
said, "I rang the doorbell, didn't I?"
What's the difference between
movies having Certificate - U, A, XX,
XXX?
U: Hero gets the heroine
A: Villain gets the heroine
XX: All the actors get the heroine
XXX: Entire shooting unit gets the
heroine
??????
BE A FRIEND LIKE WOMAN'S BRA
COLOURFUL
COMFORTABLE
STRETCHEABLE
SUPPORTIVE
HOLDING TIGHTLY
NEVER LET GO DOWN
ALWAYS NEAR THE HEART
Pappu: Dad, today they taught
about Sex in the class.
Santa: Ok son.
Later he saw Pappu shaking his
penis, he asked what r u doing?
Pappu: Homework Dad....
There are 2 girls in heaven first girl:
how did you die 2nd girl: well i froze
everything waz really cold but then
it got warm how did u die first girl:
well i was sure my husband was
cheetin on me so i came home early
from work one day and he was sittin
on they coach watchin t.v. but i was
so sure i ran around the house and
checked inb closets and underbeds.
then i had a heartattack 2nd girl :
well if you would have looked in the
freezer we both would have been
alive!!!!
A young girl came back to Doctor and
complained, "Doctor, last time you did
my abortion, you forgot your sharp
blade inside of me,"
Doctor "Oh I am sorry, did it hurt you?"
Girl, "No but my eight friends went
impotent, ten of them lost their
fingers, and four of them went dumb.
4 stages of relationship:
- Hand in hand.
- Hand in that.
- That in hand.
- That in that.
If you know what i mean..
An 18 year old Girl got PREGNANT. Her
Angry mother says-Who's the PIG?
Call him..
30 min later a limousine car stops in
front of their house & a Mature grey
haired in a very Expensive SUIT steps
out.
Man:Ur daughter has informed me of
the Problem, howevr I can't Marry her..
But if a GIRL is born I offer a villa & 2
million dolrs.
If a BOY is born den 2 factories & 5
million dolrs.
But in case of Miscarriage, what do u
suggest I do?
Mom-FUCK HER AGAI
A person was carrying 3 BABIES in the
train.
The Lady next to him asked, "Are they
ur BABIES?"
The Person said: NO! I Own a Condom
Factory
& these are Customer's Complaints!
Man In Bar Orders Kingfisher Beer.
Lady Next To Him- What A Co-
incidence, Even I Have Ordered
Kingfisher.
Man- I'm Celebrating.
Lady- Me too.
Man- What A Coincidence.
Why are you Celebrating?
Lady- My Husband & I Have Tried 4
Yrs For A Baby..
Today I'm Pregnant.
Man- What A Coincidence
I Am A Farmer From 4 Yrs My Hens
Were Infertile, Today All Laying Eggs
Lady- Wow How Did That Happen?
Man- I Used A Different Cock .
Lady SMILED & Said
WHAT A COINCIDENCE...!!!!!!!
Little Student: Madam, when I grow up,
how will my wife have a baby?
Teacher: (after thinking for sometime)
An angel will come from heaven &
hand
over a baby to your wife.
Student: so who do I need to fuck ??
wife or angel ?
A Guy with 25 inch Long penis to
God : I can't live with this long penis..
God : Go to that Lake,
U will find a Female Frog. Ask her to
Marry u,
she'll say No & U will Lose 5 inch.
He Went & asked the Frog : will u
Marry me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches.
He thought 20 inch is still Long.
So he asked again : will u Marry Me?
Frog : No
He Lost 5 inches More.
He thought 15 inch is Great,
But 10inches is Ideal
So he asked again : will u Marry me?
Frog : How many Times do I have to
tell u?
NO! NO! NO!
khel khatam
laude lag gaye !
4 Gals take lift in a Car full of
Engineers
Since no place, sat on their lap
After 10min
...Grl1:r u Telecom Engr
Boy1:how u know
Grl1:ur Tower is comunicating wit
my Unreachble area
Grl2:r u Computer Engnr?
Boy2:how u know?
Grl2:ur Pen drive is trying to
connect wit my USB Drive
Grl3:r u Automobile Engr?
Boy3:how u know?
Grl3:ur Piston is trying to move
into my Cylinder
Grl4: r u Civil Engr?
Boy4:how u know?
Girl4:ur Dam had broken &
flooded my Village;)
11 year old girl realized growing hair
between her
legs. Got worried and yelled Mom
about hair. Mom
calmly said. "That part where hair
has grown is
called a monkey, be proud that your
monkey has
grown hair."
Next morning at breakfast she told
her elder sister
"My monkey has grown hair"
Her Elder Sister smiled and said.
"that's nothing, mine started eating
banana's."
A young boy asks his father, "Dad, is
it OK for us guys to notice all the
different kind of boobs?"Surprised,
the father answers, "Well, sure son,
we wouldn't be normal if we didn't...
there are all kinds of
breasts.Depending on a woman's
age, they are different shapes.In her
twenties, a woman's breasts are like
melons, round and firm. In her
thirties to forties, they are like
pears, still nice but hanging a bit.
After fifty, they are like
onions.""Onions, Dad?""Yeah, you
see them and they make you cry!"
Latest News: Arvind Kejriwal has
stopped wearing his underwears
bcoz...
He can't wear VIP underwears as
they have VIP written on them.
He can't wear Rupa since people
would say he always keeps Rupa
around his private parts, and in
Delhi that's a dangerous thing to do.
Or Jockey as horse riding is a rich
man's pastime.
He can't wear Macroman since he is
a common man.
He can't wear Dixcy since he does
not want people to see his d***
And he can't go commando since he
has refused security.
So now all he needs is cover his
private parts with mango leaves to
prove that he is a "aam" admi and
his protection is the aam.
ho out of control
pent ko tu apni khol
Choom k tu uska hole
dalde tu apna pole.
Lund ghusa, ball daba,
gaand maar k bol DARLING AAL IZZ WELL. :-D
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 10
Salesgirl: sorry sir you can't smoke here.
Customer: but I bought cigarette from this shop.
Salesgirl: we shall sell condom also but it doesn't mean you start fucking here.
Nurse came out with a new born kid. Sardar rushed to take the kid and after seeing screamed, I got son. Nurse slapped him, leave my finger you fool, it's a girl.
Man charged for necrophilia judge: I haven't seen such a case in 20 years. Can you give me one reason why you did it? Man: I can give three 1. Its none of your business. 2. She was my wife and 3. I don't know she was dead as he always behaved this way during sex. He was pardoned.
A dancer bends down, a USA guy puts $100 in her panty; English guy puts $200 in her panty. A Sardar took his ATM card, swipes between her ass and takes all $300.
Maid cleaning bedroom found a used condom and keeps looking at it. Madam asks: don't you have sex in the village? Maid: yes we do, but not till the skin fall off.
Boy: how much calcium is there in woman's breast? Girl: I don't know but it has enough calcium to help man boneless things stand up.
Man1: my wife is afraid of water?
Man2: how do you know?
Man1: Last night when I returned home, she was in the bathroom tub with our security guard.
A girl wearing a very short skirt.
Boy: wont your mom tells anything about your dress?
Girl: my mom will be very angry because I am wearing hers.
Lady: my breast look smaller.
Doctor: come daily for one hour I will suck it and make it bigger.
Lady: my husband sex organ is also small, shall I bring him.
Wife read a book and tells her husband, a bull ucks 300 times a year. You don't do quarter of that. Husband: does the book say the bull ucks the same cow?
Don't play with street dogs, you may get rabies and don't play with smart boys you may get babies.
Boy: I am 20years old, what about you?
Girl: I am also 20 years old.
Boy: then come to my bed room,
girl: for what?
Boy: for playing 20-20.
A quote written on women t-shirt: no use of looking they won't get bigger, unless you work on them.
Johny came crying,
dad: what happened?
Johny: today at class when we got up from our seats for prayer, Rita, who sits in front of us, had her skirt stuck between her ass, seeing that my bench mate pulled it out.
Dad: that's bad, but why you are crying?
Johny: I knew that's bad, so I pushed it back into her ass and she slapped me.
During Gandhi times, if aids were known, what would happen? Then the 4th monkey would have kept his hands down.
Biology class master: all of you draw the male reproductive system. Student: sir please close your zip, girls are copying.
Monkeys and girls are same, because they fight only for banana. Boys and rats are same because they are always searching for new holes.
Girl is the best vehicle in the world front two bumpers, back two bumpers, self lubricant when hot, finger touch ignition, monthly automatic engine oil change, every type of piston fits, highest mileage of nine months in just two ml fuel.
Why bays walk fast and girl speak more? Because boys have one extra leg and girls have one extra mouth.
Define bra: under shoulder ball holder.
Define underwear: under hip banana grip.
Define panty: jungle river cotton cover.
90yrs old man: my 18yrs wife is pregnant, your opinion.
Doctor: I tell you a story. A hunter in hurry took an umbrella instead of gun. He saw a lion and lifts the umbrella and pulls the handle. The lion drops dead.
Old man: that's impossible someone else must have shot it.
Doctor: exactly now you understand.
What's the difference between hook in cricket and hook of bra? One sends ball out of boundary and another keeps balls within the boundaries.
Explain rape: it's a difficult job, something like playing golf with a moving hole.
Prince and Sardar were having dinner, prince says, pass the wine you divine. Sardar thinks how poetic, Sardar says pass this custard you bastard.
Judge: why do you want divorce?
Man: she doesn't satisfy me on bed.
Judge: is it true madam?
Lady: dam it! The whole colony is happy, only this idiot has problems.
Women's life is very hard. Morning: wash the dress. Noon: dry the dress. Evening: iron the dress. Night: remove the dress. Midnight: search the dress.
What's common between a girl and amul butter? Both are utterly butterly delicious when spread. One on bed and another on bread.
Do you feel boring? Thinking what to do? Open the zip; insert your two hands in-between the zip take out your book from your bag and study.
Husband: I am going out for five days. Wife: ok but don't surprise me by coming back early otherwise you will be surprised.
Nurse put patient finger in her mouth, after blood test. Patient starts dancing, nurse asks: why you are dancing? Patient: next is urine test.
Lady patient: Doctor please cal my husband inside. Doctor: Trust me I am gentleman. Patient: No Dr. your nurse is sitting outside and my husband is not gentleman.
What is heaven?
Thousand of girls and buckets of beer.
What is hell?
When you come to know that the buckets have holes and girls don't.
Boy and girl of class 2 asked teacher: "can kids of our age have kids?"
Teacher replied " NO Never!!"
Boy said to girl : "see i told you not to worry!!!!".
Wife: I am going to London. What gift do you want? Husband: a British girl. (Wife return to India) husband: where is my gift? Wife: wait for nine months.
One roman girl asks an Egyptian boy what you will do for me. Boy replies come behind the pyramids, I will make you mummy.
Elephant to camel: why do you have breast on your back? Camel: that is a ucking good question from someone with a sex organ on his face.
Sex is like restaurant, sometimes you get good service, sometimes bad service, sometimes no service and many times you have to be happy with self service.
Husband come home, finds his wife with his friend in bed. He shoot his friend to death wife said "if you behave like this, you will lose all your friends one day.
How to activate sex card. Open bra, press nipples, scratch the panty, and insert pennies. A sweet sound will confirm the activation validity nine months
Ten girls jumped into swimming pool. Suddenly, all water disappears why? New whisper ultra absorbs all water.
Teacher: write a sentence ending with hand.
Boy: my sex organ in your hand.
Teacher: what's this?
Boy: oh I forget to put space between pen and is.
Biology teacher asked students to draw the female reproductive organ. A girl feels shy and looks down. Boys shouts miss she is copying.
A beautiful wife in bed spread her legs wide and asks sardar do you know what I know? Sardar: I know you naughty; you want to sleep alone on entire bed.
Aids awareness Logan. 1. Cover your stump before you pump. 2. Protect your ghilli don't be silly.
Which instrument is 7 inches long? Goes in to a wet hole, moves front and back, makes white foam of liquid? Toothbrush!
Divorced couple arguing for son's custody. Wife: I gave him birth so he is mine. Husband: if I put coin in cool drinks machine and cool drinks comes, is it mine or machine.
Six benefits of girls milk. 1. Cat can't drink. 2. No need of glass. 3. No expiry date. 4. Packed in beautiful container. 5. No need to boil. 6. 1+1 offer.
Which is most difficult sport in the world to watch? Women's doubles tennis- 9 balls bounce at a time and you don't know which one to watch.
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 8
Men are raping a woman. The woman laughing nonstop so after sometimes the men get bugged and ask her, why she is laughing, she replies: I have aids.
Wife bought a new transparent bra and wore in front of her husband.
Husband: honey you look very sexy in this bra.
Wife: you know salesman was also saying same thing.
Girl enters a sex shop.
Girl: where is the duplicate penis section?
Clerk: it's their mam.
Girl: how much for this big red one?
Clerk: sorry madam, its fire extinguisher.
Why are western guys more advanced than our guys? Answer: they keep their minds in work and penis in pussy, but our guys keep pussy in mind and penis in hand.
Fate is like getting raped; if you can't fight it learn to enjoy it. Success is like masturbation, it's in your own hand. Education is like hiring prostitute, it needs both money and talent.
Height of innocence: having your girl friend naked beside you and masturbating.
Height of laziness: man having sex in train and waiting for the train to jerk.
Most interesting T-shirt quotes of a girl. Excuse me! My face is above.
If a married woman is called polo; the mint with a hole, then what's an unmarried woman called? Center fresh.
Why aunties like to have sex with youth?
Every used engine will get refreshed only when its filled with fresh oil and it gives more mileage to its owner.
Nurse comes in doctor room.
Doctor ask: why is your one boobs out of your shirt?
Nurse: these medical students never keep the things at place after use.
Height of recycling: man giving used condom 2 his son to use as a balloon and after bursting giving to his daughter to use as hair band.
Six cans of beer 600 rs. Four pegs of whiskey 400 rs. Two taquilla shots 300rs. Driving home with a girl who drank all this. Priceless
What will you do if you get sexy wife with figure, with red lips, brown hair, moist boobs, sexy waist and a penis?
Why women wear panties with printed flower?
It's a way of saying come on guys, water my garden.
Difference between power and stamina?
Power is when a man can hang a wet towel over his erect penis.
Stamina is to keep the penis erect till the towel dries.
Boy: my age is 20 years.
Girl: my age is 20 years also.
Boy: so come to my room.
Girl: why?
Boy: To play 20-20 match.
Banta was travelling in an auto rickshaw with his wife. The driver adjusted the mirror. Banta shouted you are trying to see my wife, sit back. I will drive.
Define rape: rape is not a crime; it's just a surprise sex.
Wife: if I sleep with your most loving friend what would be the first thought coming to your mind?
Smart husband: that you are a lesbian.
Height of shame: You running with a full erect male sex organ towards a wall and your nose collide first.
A boy comes to class with broken specs.
Teacher: what happened?
Boy: I was kissing my girlfriend.
Teacher: but how did your specs break?
Boy: she closed her legs.
An army got married first night realizes wife having periods.
He telegram to HQ: red alert on front extend leave.
DQ: attack from back and report.
Virginity is like a balloon, one prick and it's gone. Sex is like a pack of chips, one you start you can't stop. Life is like a dick once it gets hard, it ucks.
Sex teacher draws picture of male sex organ and asked does anyone know what this is?
Kid: ya, my dad have two.
Teacher: two?
Kid: a small one for susu and big one to brush moms teeth.
Wife in good mood rotating husbands sex organ in bed.
Husband: you want sex?
Wife: no., just joined car driving school and practicing gear changing.
Three ladies saw a dog ucking violently.
Dr's wife: they are enjoying life.
Lawyer's wife: no, it's a rape.
Army officer: I think the dog has come on a holiday.
A lady was wearing jeans in a train.
A man who saw that her zip was open said: madam, your lips are laughing.
Woman: hey they want a cigarette.
Wife in sexy mood lovingly says: I want to have a wild experience. Tie me up and do whatever u want. Excited man tied up his wife and raped her sister.
A girl wears sleeveless dress every time. On right arm she writes 'C' and on left arm 'L'.
friends ask: what does it means? She said: I am cool.
A naked lady gets into taxi. Driver looks at her. Lady: haven't you ever seen a naked woman?
Driver: no I am just wondering where you have kept the money to pay me.
A sexy and attracted female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Boss: wow, what?
Girl: your eyes.
What is long and hard? Has a hole at the tip and when inserted into wet, hairy, tight hole, makes men and woman feel great? Vicks inhaler.
Define rape with the help of one good example. Rape is a very very difficult job for example; it's like playing golf with a continuously moving hole.
Difference between bad and worse.
Bad: when your children find your last night used condom.
Worse: when they insist you to blow that balloon for them.
Latest Adult, dirty, sex, sexy, Non Veg SMS messages & Jokes - 9
How to irritate an archeologist? Show him a used whisper and ask him which period it belongs to.
What's similarity between garden and breast? Both are made for kids but mostly used by adults.
In a lift, man elbow accidently touched lady's breast.
Man: if your heart is soft as your breast you will forgive me.
Lady: if you sex organ is hard as your elbow I am in room 207.
Angry husband sent sms to father-in-law. Your product not matching my requirements.
smart father-in-law: warranty expired manufactured not response.
T-shirt quotes: now more tastier and healthier, handle with care, tasted by experts, shake well before use, can make boneless thing hard, no one can use just once.
Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite. Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse.
A nigro man attended a night party without dress. The man thought he was in black suit and told your suit is nice, but tie is in the wrong place.
A girl saw a man full of tattoo. Nike on his arms, Reebok on his legs, she was shocked when saw aids in his sex organ. He said: relax when it enlarges, it becomes Adidas.
T-shirt quotes: in front-I am virgin. At back: this is my old t-shirt.
Girl told to tire mechanize have sex with me. Mechanic told, ok. Come to swimming pool. She asked why? He replied because I can identify the hole only in water.
A British man sees front side of girl t-shirt that reads: handle with care. Next day the British man wears jeans pant and writes candle with hair.
Why girls are called babes?
Answer: because they wear nappy pads even when they are grownups.
Lady: why is your husband so punctual in returning home from office?
Lady2: I have made a simple rule. Sex will be started at 9pm sharp, whether you are hear or not.
T-shirt quotes of girls. Touch here if you dare, more enjoyment per liter, weapons of mass destruction, looking free touching costs, sure for pure milk, for sale.
A man lying on the beach, wearing nothing but a cap over his dick. A woman passing by remarks: if you were any sort of a gentle man, you would lift your hat to a lady. He replied: if you were any sort of a sexy lady, the hat would lift by itself.
A drunken says while kissing his girlfriend: darling your lips are very salty.
Girl: stupid stand up.
Why do girls carry milk to give their husband during first night, because they need lots of curd from husband in return.
A guy takes a girl to his room, throws down his paints and says. Meet my little brother. Girls pick up her bag on the way out says call me when he grows up.
A sexy and attractive female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Boss: what?
Girl: your eyes.
Teacher: who's the big person, you or your dad?
Kid: me of course.
Teacher: why.
Kid: I stopped drinking milk from my mom, dad hasn't.
Nurse lost her cat in hospital, anyone have female sex organ All women stood up. I mean anyone seen a female sex organ? All men stood up, I mean anyone seen my sex organ, all doctor stood up.
Research shows men are fat than Women because every night men gets fresh milk and two big apples while women only gets one banana two nuts and one spoon curd.
All eggs in women decided to fight against sperm. They waited with guns in the sex organ. That night no one came, suddenly one shouted guys attack is from backside.
Girls prayed to god why you don't make boy's sex organ more beautiful.
God: no way, though I made it ugly, you suck it; if I made it beautiful you will eat it.
Do you know why a girl gets full mark and boys get fail in practical? It's when they both remove their 1st button of shirt in front of external.
There are two things men really like women to do in hurry. Dress and undress.
Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why dint you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, that's not prohibited.
Boy: if I kiss you and run away then what will you think?
Girl: I will think that a fool instead of attending the full paper just attended the one mark alone and failed.
Teacher: explain responsibility.
Student: mam your blouse has four buttons, if three buttons break down the entire responsibility will be on the fourth one.
Advertisement by Panty Company: we are not the best in the world but we are closest to the best thing in the world.
A note in the sex magazines shop: please hold the magazines with both hands while reading.
Why do women put red lipstick on their mouth? To inform men stop this is not right hole.
Teacher: why cow looks tensed after giving milk? Student: madam, if some one presses your breast for I hours and don't uck, how do you feel.
A boy and animal went to river to take a bath. As he removed his clothes all animal laughed at him.
He asked: why are you laughing at me?
Animals: your tails in front.
p>Girl: what do you like in me?
Boy: those two balls having black dots in center.
Girl: you rascal are you with me for that?
Boy: yes, I like your eyes.
Who's guilty? Wife dreaming in the night suddenly shouts "quickly my husband is back" man get up, jumps out of the window and realizes, dammit I am the husband.
Customer: my wife needs a bra but I don't know the size. Salesgirl: touch my breast and try to calculate. Customer: oh I forget he needs panties too.
Misuse of English: a diagram in a book was not clear. So teacher drew the diagram on the blackboard and announced. Don't look at the book figure, look at my figure.
Husband and wife are like two tyres of a vehicle. Even if one punctures, the vehicle can't move further. So intelligent people always keep stepney.
Boy saw a lady with big breast.
He asked her: can I bite them for $1000?
She says: ok they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse.
The boy kisses, licks, puts his face in them, presses them hared for 10 minutes
Lady asks: aren't you gonna bite them?
He replies: no, it's too costly.
A guy picked up for a date. Guy: why are you wearing your belt around your knee? Girl: I promised my mom that I wouldn't let you touch me below my belt.
Who is senior's female sex organ or male sex organ? Answer: female sex organ because male sex organ always stands up when he sees a female sex organ, so respects the seniors.
A college girl was in jeans pant and zip was open. Boy went and told miss please close your taj mahal door here my quthubminar is dancing.
What's common between sun and a women's underwear? Both are hot, both look good while going down, both disappear by night.
One man married lady traffic police. Friend asks how your 1st night was. She collected Rs.100 from me for over speed, Rs.200 for wrong side entry, Rs.500 for no helmet.
Do you know why girls wear a shawl on top of their churidar, because it's Indian tradition to cover all eating and dirking things when not in use.
Completing engineering is like a girl pregnant everyone will appreciate the outcome, but no one knows how many attempts were made.
Kid by chance enters into parent's bedroom and is shocked at what he sees. He shouts at his mom and you scold me for just sucking the thumb.
Midnight hot: After 1st night. Husband: dear what do you think about our first night? Wife: darling 5% pain, 5% enjoyment and 90% old memories.
Contest in a girl's college: write a short essay which contains religion, sex and mystery. Winners essay: oh god, I am pregnant, I wonder who did it.
A boy wanted to have sex with girl friend ashamed of his small sex organ decided to bring girl friend in dark place opened his zip and put his sex organ on girl friend hands.
Girl friend: No thanks, I don't smoke.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine.
Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night? Aunty: he was checking my temperature. Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.
What is meant by burning desire while making sex? It's when you discover that the Vaseline you applied before ucking in the dark was the tiger balm.
What is the difference between a cricketer and condom? A cricketer drops the catch and a condom catches the drops.
What's the similarity between school bell and girls hole? When you hit any of these, children come out.
Sardar: I divorced my wife on the first night.
Friend: why?
Sardar: I saw the label on her panties "tested ok"
What is sex? Its science with wife, its art with girlfriend, its commerce with prostitute and its social service with aunties.
Who is a true music lover? Ans: a girl is singing in a bathroom while taking bath and a boy near the keyhole is using his ears and not his eyes.
Man with no sex organ used a vibrator for years one day wife caught and asked: how dare you cheat me? Man: I will explain about the toy, can you explain about kids.
How to tell your girlfriend if you are going to urine during dinner? Dear, I've to shake hands with a close friend whom I am going to introduce you later.
Dad brought a robot which slaps a person who lies.
Dad: son, where were you?
Son: School, robot slap. Son: film.
Dad- which one?
Son: sai baba, robot slap again. Son: "A" film
Dad: what? I have not seen such films, robot slaps dad.
Mom: forgive him dear after all he is your son, robot slaps mom.
A few quotes on girls t-shirt:
there s a face above this, don't forget.
Object here appear bigger than they are.
I made you look at it.
F ck all that is missing is u.
Don't try to find sun here, its not mountain. This one is really tough for Edmund Hillary.
An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and see his own wife in it.
A guy and girl had sex poem competition.
Guy: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I can put mine in yours, but you can't put yours in mine.
Girl: two times two is four, hour plus five is nine, I know the length of yours but you will never know the depth of mine.
Boy: aunty why was uncle lying on you last night?
Aunty: he was checking my temperature.
Boy: did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking.
Prof: to keep your character good, think every woman as your mother.
Student: but thinking every woman as my mother will make my fathers character bad.
Girl: my right leg is lunch and left leg is dinner, what you will like to have?
Boy: I would like to have snacks between lunch and dinner.
A maths professor sent a sms to his wife. Dear you are now 54 years old and unable to satisfy me. Now I am with my 18 years old female student so I will be late tonight.
Wife replied: dear you're also 54 years and unable to satisfy me. Now I am with our driver who is also 18 years. As you are mathematicians you know very well that 18 goes into 54 many times more than 54 goes into 18 so don't come tonight.
Sardar was very angry because all jokes were about him; he asked his wife, tell me one joke without my involvement. His wife said: I am pregnant.
Wife: remove my nighty.
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my bra
Sardar: ok
Wife: remove my panty
Sardar: ok
wife: never wear my dress again
Less noise: implementation of sex using while loop.
#include sex.h
#include bed.h
void pain ()
{
int sleep=0;
clothes=0;
voice=aah:
do ucking(); while (end1=pleasure);
get condom();
else
getchild();
}
Difference between good girl and bad girl. Good girl Open a few buttons in hot atmosphere, but bad girl open all button to make the atmosphere hot.
An innocent man watching blue film for the first time after marriage and see his own wife in it.
A couple having sex in bedroom asked son to stand in the balcony and keep telling them what's going on outside.
Son: john is buying fruits, Tina is playing and Michael uncle is ucking his wife.
Dad: what? Is he doing it openly?
Son: no, I haven't seen him but his son is also standing in the balcony.
Teacher: why did you laugh?
Boy: I saw one strap of your bra.
Teacher: get out of the class for 1 week.
Two boys laughed, Teacher: why did you laugh:
boys: I saw both straps. Teacher: get out for 1 month. She bent down to take chalk, jony started walking out.
Teacher: jony, why you are going out?
Jony: what I just saw I think my school days are over.
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